Fun Facts from Japan

Hey there, you silly people, out in your silly countries far beyond this island of great ideas and greater innovations. Japan is a place where almost anything is possible. Beer, panties, and candy can all be dispensed from vending machines (oftentimes, the same machine), public transportation can actually work, phones can read phone numbers off of signs, and giant mechs (robots for the older crowd) are crafted and placed to intimidate the masses into solemn obedience.

Work 6 hours overtime without pay, or I will crush your family!!

For what it's worth however, every good turn deserves a bad one. All ideas can't be haphazardly applied to anything with the fleeting belief that it all will just turn out okay. In fact, there are some things that are just plain unnecessary, and you wonder how people can possible live with it, much less

accept the fact that it must have been constructed by human hands and not that of uncaring god. I am of course talking about...

...heated toilets. These accursed things have plagued my time here each and every time nature has called on me for duty. (get it?) How I long for the

days when I knew that my toilet would be cold and unfeeling toward my rear end. Now I feel the warm embrace of the seat with increasing discomfort. Is it happy to see me? Is it (unlike our cold, unfeeling American toilets) happy about its lot in life? If so, does that mean that the darn thing is hugging my cheeks with each passing? (do you get it?)

I can't shake the feeling that these things are sentient. Heavens, they have enough electrical cords coming out of them, you'd think they could power a rock concert.

Looks like somebody just flushed...

While I do suppose it could be worse, I often worry about short-circuits... oh boy.